Dear Blackbird, I hope this finds you well and the worms can bring you these scraps that I drop down with saline. I know they've got their own to worry about but maybe they'll be so kind this time. Don't worry about the worms. We all end up their food in the end. If it starts with just your words they might pardon you later, but it's not too bad. Just quiet sometimes.
The music here is too loud sometimes. It hurts my eyes. I cover my ears but the world turns black and deafening with lightning. It's all green and orange and it shakes up through my spine. You want to give up at times. It happens to the best of us. I'm sorry if I ever made you think that wasn't okay. Knowing your limits is good. Like flying. Whoever said you couldn't? Me. Every time I'm at the edge and ready to jump. My heart stops. And I'm gone. Like that time you pulled me from the roof. You laughed and swept me up in your arms and said don't you dare do that again. But I locked you out there once. And it was freezing. We were so obsessed that sometimes cruelty was the only way to handle it. The pain in return for the safety later. Or maybe we were just pushing the limits. Testing the strength of the bond. Infinite. It was silly for us to test it. Like all those people testing the intelligence of monkeys and crows. What do they know about any intelligence but their own? The monkeys and crows though, they know the true extent of it. I came home and the light was different. The house was full of water. I couldn't stay there. I went outside and saw it dripping down the shingles. But my ears were still clogged and I still couldn't see clearly. I tried to remember what season it was but I couldn't feel anything. It could have been freezing or sweltering. I just can't remember. Broken bones lose their nerves. You used to laugh when they said winter made you sad. They didn't understand. Snow was never the problem. We turned white once. Terrified and shaking in the cold. But we didn't hold it against winter. We held it against ourselves. I never could stop blaming myself for that. Don't. Maybe I wanted to be white. Made me appreciate what I was. To hide. To be hidden. To sleep. To be put to sleep. I know. I'm sorry. It's okay, Summer. You only did what you thought was best. Shifting the light. Shining for those who never get a chance to go on before their time. I'm well past my time. It doesn't get any better. It's like those dragons kids imagine. The older they get the less ferocious they become until they turn into stuffed animals you kiss goodnight. Statues that have lost any life of their own. You're afraid of that. Stones turning into butterflies. Cracks revealed as pieces of strings, glued to fool the eye. I just don't want to live in a flat world. You'll never be flat. That's what's most important.
Why does the dew creep up without warning? Maybe you're just asleep. Dreams are funny things. They bring you away and when you return make you believe the world had stopped in your absence. As if you spun the wheel. That's just how it feels sometimes. Always pushing that rock up the hill. Breaking at the knees, sweat pooling on the small of the back. Saline. We see a lot of that. Don't poison the roses. If you still walk, walk beside them. I still walk. It's a mistake I've made again and again. Someday, someday you'll learn how to fly. Trust me.
No comments:
Post a Comment